The Difference Between Being Cheap and Being Frugal: A Reveiw of TLC's Extreme Cheapskates

As you've probably picked up on, our family tries to live frugally. So when someone recommended I check out TLC's Extreme Cheapskates, I was intrigued. It being reality television, I was expecting some over-emphasized, drama inspiring episodes, but at least I might be able to pick up a few tricks, right?

As I watched more and more episodes, I found myself getting more and more frustrated, because at the end of the day, these were not people trying to live frugally; these were (for the most part) people with an obsessive need to be fulfilled, and they didn't go about it logically; they took the path of least resistance to immediately fill these needs.

So below are the top reasons I (being frugal) cannot get behind this show.

1) Most of those featured were socially inept.

Ok, so to be clear, I'm not talking about fulfilling social norms here; often times those living frugally step outside of what our materialistic, consumer-driven society deems appropriate, and I fully support (and participate) in that. What I'm referring to here is the seeming inability of those spotlighted to focus on anything outside of themselves; they could not empathize or understand the positions, thoughts, or feelings of those around them, whether it was the helpless cashier who couldn't give them a discount to their embarrassed spouse or miserable children.  Essentially, these people were so obsessed with being a "cheapskate" that they disregarded the happiness and comfort of nearly everyone they came into contact with.

A few examples:

- The host that dumpster dives for the dinner he will serve to friends or family he hasn't seen in years
- The hostess who doesn't use toilet paper (that's fine) but then doesn't keep some on hand for guests
- The husband who doesn't listen to his wife's pleas to not debate the cost of a drive-through food order
- The girlfriend who insists that her live-in boyfriend pee in a jar even though he is wildly uncomfortable with it
- The father who doesn't care that his two children are so embarrassed by their lack of furniture (or pieced together trash) that they don't have friends 
- The mother who only allows her 13 year old daughter one (!) piece of clothing to wear ever. single. day.
- The husband who takes his family of seven out to dinner and only allows them to have three plates of food between them, even though he has hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank (which he also lies about to his family, btw)

I could go on, but I think you get the picture. These aren't the actions of someone who is trying to make ends meet while being a loving and supportive friend or family member. These are people with obsessions that keep them from having healthy relationships.

2) The majority of these people do not need to live frugally

Now not everyone featured fell into this category, some made a miserable amount of money, were supporting financially unfeasible charities, or were trying to get out of debt. To those few who had a reason behind their cheap ways, I say kudos. But for the most part, the show featured middle-class Americans who made a good living and should be able to support some semblance of a decent standard of life. Most owned their homes outright, and many had spouses that also contributed (unnecessary) income. And surprisingly, quite a few of those featured were actually rich (millionaires), although you would never know it by the hoard of free ketchup packets in their pantry.

My biggest issue with this was that almost none of these people were living this sacrificial lifestyle in order to fulfill a goal (like saving up for a business, retirement, college fund, or home, getting out of debt, supporting extended family or a charity, being environmentally conscious, etc.) They were essentially money hoarders. There were several where I could actually see the endorphins being released as they showed the camera their finely tuned budget spreadsheets or their full-to-the brim bank accounts. It was clear that saving even ten cents gave them a little high.

For me this screams "mental illness" rather than "laudable lifestyle". Most of those who I know that live frugally are either doing it out of necessity, or (in my family's case) saving up for an end goal, or in the very least are trying to minimize their environmental impact. Sadly, for most of those on the show, the only reasonable motivation seemed to be to get off. Perhaps this point alone is not enough to judge any of these folks, but combined with point one (the obvious unhappiness of those around them) and/or points three and four (which I'll head right into here in a moment), I think not having a motivation outside an emotional rush makes everything worse. At least if you want to be cheap for being cheap's sake, do it within reason, don't go to such unreasonable extremes that you alienate yourself from society.

3) They're doing it wrong.

This is probably the one that irks me personally the most, although it certainly didn't apply to every cheap trick disclosed. At the end of the day, living frugally is about making the most out of what you have and being as efficient as possible. Often times this means trading a little time and manpower for some monetary savings. But over and over again, it seemed to me that these folks weren't stepping back and thinking "how can i do this more efficiently, with less cost", they were thinking, "what is the easiest, most immediate way for me to save a few pennies".

The place this got to me the most was where it came to food. There were several people who would go to public parks to or school fields to pick out some greens for a salad (and they spent a day doing this). A good majority spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to cut take-out or restaurant bills down. Others spent a day or two going through garbage to get enough for a meal to serve to guests. Many of them shopped discount marts that sold expired (processed) food. And almost everyone who did this had a suburban back yard - to which I have to ask: WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU GARDENING & MAKING FOOD FROM SCRATCH??

I cannot say how infuriating it was to watch one husband go to a bakery and barter for what seemed like forever to get a cake (he only ended up with some cake pops, actually) for a party he was throwing. Why the hell didn't he just go to the grocery store and pick up some cake mix!!
It's hard to save more on food than growing your own veggies, canning your own foods, making your own condiments, etc. But it also takes work, patience, and practice, traits very few of these people possessed.

Another area that really irked me was laundry. Many people picked up on the fact that washing clothes the way most people do costs money - either you are paying quarters for every load or you are using significant amounts of water and electricity in your own home. The natural solution is to manually wash clothing, but after that, most people lost me. I watched dumbfounded as one guy explained how he got in the shower without taking his clothes off and washed them right on his body with his body wash. WHAT!! Besides the gross factor, there are so many issues with this it's overwhelming; body wash is more expensive than detergent, and is not designed to clean fabric, water usage is way higher, and you are only "washing" one set of clothes at a time!

I couldn't believe how few people were making their own cleaning supplies. It is sooooo much cheaper to throw together your cleaning products than to buy (even discounted) in a store. Yet this type of frugal thinking was rarely featured. 

One last example was a guy who would drive a barrel 10 miles to a town creek to bring water back to his house so he doesn't pay for city water. But he probably used more money in gas to get there than he saved, not to mention that the water was unfiltered with who knows what in it. He also had to enlist help to get the water, so he had to either lie or beg someone to help him, wasting not one but two people's time! 

4) They were unethical

My final issue was present in about 40% of the folks. Some of these people had no problem lying, cheating, and otherwise utilizing manipulative, dishonest behavior in order to save a few bucks. One guy took his wife to the movies for a date, brought his own food (ok, we all have done that), but then when his wife wanted theater food, dug through the garbage to find a discarded popcorn bag and cup, emptied them out, then brought them up front to utilize the theater's "free refill" policy. Twice. Oh, and he didn't tell his wife either, so she thought he had pushed aside his cheapskate ways to please her and was elated, which I'm sure he cashed in on. Terrible!

Another guy spent several minutes sampling flavors from an ice cream stand, and after trying 17 samples, announced he's full so he's wasn't going to actually buy something, to the horror of his wife who was with him. He didn't care, though, and showed no embarrassment or regret that he just cheated a small business.

From lying to friends and family to actually breaking the law (like stealing cleaning supplies from public restrooms or internet from a neighbor) many folks used "frugality" as an excuse to be immoral. At the end of the day, what kind of message is that?

Conclusion
 
It wasn't all terrible; there were a few things I picked up, although most of the positive frugal tricks were things I was already aware of. I didn't know you could sharpen disposable razors on a match box, for instance. But when it comes down to it, I think Extreme Cheapskates is more about observing some obsessive behaviors manifesting than it is about highlighting frugal living. I really shouldn't be surprised, it is television after all, but it is disappointing. You won't catch me checking out the next episode, or recommending it to my friends. In the mean time, I'll be waiting for something that actually highlights healthy frugal living to show up on television ...